I'm Lost Without You
by Rise Against Society
Summary: Inspired by Blink 182. Jade never knew the hype of drinking. She heard of the feeling some of her friends get, but never really had a reason. Now? well she had to see for herself. No matter what the others think. Surely it could fill that numb feeling that had been haunting her for months...right? JORI! Read and Review! Part One of Four!


_**AN:**_ **Was listening to Blink 182's self titled album while watching Victorious and this idea popped into my head. It's a part one of four so the others shall follow, maybe tomorrow if the mood is right, so if it doesnt make sense now, it will when the sequel hits the** web. **Also, yea it's JORI so... enjoy please. R &R as always**

Jade never knew what the hype was about drinking. She has dipped into her parents liquor cabinet on more than one occasion like any rebellious daughter would, but found no fun in the indulgence of alcohol. It filled her with warmth, burned her throat on the way down, and warmed her stomach. There was no buzz, no dizzying sensation, and her thoughts were still coherent enough to pass as normal when her parents returned from their respective 'business meetings'.

At first, she thought maybe she was doing it all wrong. Maybe her concoctions were not strong enough to get her to the tipsy point. Thus the experimentation and journey began. Her destination? The wonders and joys of drinking that some of her friends gloated about.

She looked up recipes on certain types of drinks. Jaeger Bombs did nothing at all. Margaritas, which in her opinion tasted like sour juice to her, didn't even faze her. Appletini, which was too fruity she couldn't even stand the second sip, bored her. And last but not least, Tequila. Which after a dozen shots…. still did nothing.

"Dammit!" she hissed, her destination still out of sight.

* * *

"Jade, your coffee tastes weird,"

Jade turned up from her book quickly and turned to find her redheaded friend swishing her coffee mug while staring at it weirdly. "Cat that's my mug!" she gasped, quickly snatching the mug away from her friend. They were both in the public confinements of a coffee shop Jade had discovered was okay with their customers (legal customers of course) adding little 'extra' flavors to their coffee's. Jade being seventeen and still far away from the legal drinking age, had to sneak in a flask filled with vodka in hopes of seeing if it would at least get her to a smidge of dizzy. She even had Cat tag along on the off chance she actually could get there...but alas...

"I drank it on accident, I wasn't looking...but why are you spiking your coffee in public Jade?" Cat whispered, her big brown eyes looked a little concerned and confused, "You don't drink… you hate liquor…"

Jade just shrugged, "It's nothing to worry about kitten," she said, "I just…. wanted to see what the hype is about drinking, that's all" she made sure to use her playful name for Cat to try and ensure her that nothing was wrong. Nothing IS wrong...she just...she's curious.

Cat looked at her un-assured, but quickly it went away at the use of 'kitten'. "Okay Jadey" she breathed, giving Jade a big smile before returning back to the coloring books that she was working on moments before.

Jade turned back to her book and tried to read but failed. Her gaze returned back to her own mug and wondered just what it would take to get her to the promised land of hazy. She sighed, a little annoyed at her failed attempts. Then, without letting Cat or any other customer seeing her, she slipped her flask from its hiding place in her backpack and poured all it's contents into her coffee.

* * *

This time it was Beck's turn to voice his concern her Jade's excessive drinking.

"Whoa there, isn't that your seventh bottle West?"

"Whoa there, shouldn't you cut your hair? Beckett?" she growled.

Beck sighed and closed the door behind him as he stepped out onto the terrace that looked out over the town. The entire group was out at a party that some senior managed to plan in his father's hotel without him knowing. It was in full swing with people dancing, singing, drinking, all around noisy just like any good high school party should. But Jade wasn't there for the partying at all. It was the booze that was calling her attention, and it was there in abundance, much to hard for her to ignore. She did after all have a goal she had yet to reach.

"You know, Cat told me about that Irish coffee incident a couple weeks back...you want to explain that? Because last time I checked, you always thought alcohol should never be mixed with coffee," Beck reasoned.

"What's it to you? We're not dating anymore." Jade turned, "Either way it isn't nothing to worry about. I'm doing fine."

Beck took a step closer, "Jade it doesn't seem like it. Every time I catch word of you and how you have been, the word 'liquor' seems to be in that exact same sentence." he raised his own beer, "You do realize that it takes two weeks for your insides to completely flush this stuff out of your system right?"

Jade scoffed and rolled her eyes before taking a big swig of her own beer, expecting to feel something with that final gulp, but again felt nothing. She sighed before throwing it over the side of the terrace, not caring where it landed. "I'm not your concern Beckett," she wiped her hands on the sides of her jeans and walked away to the sliding door and stopped at the handle, "Anyways, it's not like I can feel anything. God knows I've been trying…"

* * *

"Fuck!"

She took the glass in her hand and whipped it hard against the wall. Watching with hatred burning in her veins as it shattered into a million pieces. A sharp stabbing pain erupted on her cheek and she quickly reached for it with a painful gasp. She dug it out quickly and angrily threw it to the side.

"Fuck this shit!" she yelled.

Jade still could not get drunk for the life of her. It was getting utterly ridiculous at this point it honestly was. No matter how many shots she took, how many bottles of beer she drank, vodka she emptied into herself. It was all for naught. She couldn't feel what her friends had promised her. Still she felt nothing but the hole that had been growing for months in her chest.

 _" I hate you!"_

 _"Is that why you kissed me Jade?!"_

The same exact hole that emerged when SHE had left. Why? Why did it just suddenly sink in like that? Why her out of all the fucking people in the world! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!

Jade starting clutching at her heart roughly. Her breathing starting growing ragged and agitated. It felt empty and she didn't want to feel that anymore. Quickly she ripped off her long sleeved shirt and starting pawing at her heart. Scratching at it just so that it could feel something.

 _Tori looked at her, eyes making their way over every inch of Jade. She looked almost hungry were it not for the busted lip and tears in her eye. she took a breath and started getting closer to Jade._

 _"I know what you want..."_

 _Jade's breath hitched in her throat. Her heart thumping wildly against her chest. "Stop," she breathed._

 _But Tori only shook her head and got closer, the tears in her eyes started to shine now, "It's me, isn't it? Go on, say it."_

 _Jade's heart could be heard in her ears now. she reached quickly for her head and held it in her grasp, "Stop!" she gasped, a little bit louder this time._

 _Tori finally made her way to Jade. Reaching out she managed to caress the other girl's cheek, feeling the smooth porcelain skin underneath her own tan fingers. "Denying doesn't help your case. Jade, I can see it in the way you look at me..."_

"Go away" she muttered, "go away, go away, go AWAY!"

She pawed at her chest roughly now, as if she was really trying to dig into her chest for her heart. "Stop feeling numb! Just stop! She isn't here! She isn't here! SHE ISN'T HERE! SHE FUCKING LEFT! FUCK!"

Tears started to fall freely now, bringing with them black smudges of her eyes makeup.

 _Jade didn't know what it was that caused her to snap. What she only knew is that something in her had snapped...badly_

 _She took the hand that caressed her cheek and used it to yank Tori to the lockers, slamming her hard against them. She gasped in surprise as her back hit them, almost knocking the wind out of her, but if she was going to be honest, it wouldn't have been the hit that had done it. It would've been the lips that were crashing against her feverishly that would have done the job._

 _It lasted for a long while those kisses. They were long and wanting, not to mention overdue. It would have been heaven were it not for the rage that filled Jade along with the love for Tori. She broke the kiss and without warning punched the locker space that was to the right of Vega's head._

 _"WHY YOU!"_

She hated the fact that it was Tori that was making her feel this way. She felt numb now that she was gone. All her life she always felt something, hatred, loathing, pride, and even for a little while, love.

But now...she was gone...and Jade felt absolutely nothing...


End file.
